To Tell The Truth, Part 2
We have a cultural burden, a female legacy of lying to accommodate. We say yes when we mean no. We fawn when our behavior is policed by others because we worry we have done something wrong if what we offered wasn’t accepted. Instead of walking the path toward freedom and autonomy, we give into our fear that we won’t be loved without self-sacrifice.
Instead, we could start to ask: What would be loving to me in this situation? How do I honor my own needs here? What would actually be loving to them if I take this into consideration?
When people can’t take ownership for the ways in which they are living life that don’t work for them they remain in the frequency of victimhood. We aren’t meant to live there or join others there. We are meant to feel the discomfort of remaining in a life setup that doesn’t help us grow because otherwise what would motivate us to change?
No’s can be really inconvenient. I won’t paint a pretty picture around what can often be fairly messy. But life is messy and that IS the beauty. There is so much more meaning when things aren’t perfect and things don’t tend to land in our system if they are anyhow. We know what isn’t real even if we aren’t willing to admit it mentally.
Perhaps we are meant to trigger other people. That word is triggering in and of itself and has become a distorted nomenclature in the cultural diatribe. The word activation is now often used by therapists and healers alike and a word I would like to offer here. I think we are meant to activate others into more joy by feeling the ways in which they abandon themselves when we speak truth to what they are doing either in their relationship with us, others, or how they are acting in their life by staying in situations that keep them unhappy or unwell.
There are options when we come into a more truthful way of living. We can share who we are and what we see or need and some people or situations will not choose to join us in the invitation toward wholeness so they will have to leave our life. Our task when we arrive at the end of a chapter with someone or something is to determine how we can exit with a loving goodbye rather than ghosting. How we leave a situation impacts how we enter into new beginnings; the energy follows us.
Sometimes we won’t offer an invitation and we will simply walk away. We aren’t meant to sit with others who live life at a different frequency. When we do that we are out of resonance and will tune to their rhythm if we don’t hold the strength of our own center. The song you have to sing when you are most aligned is your gift to the world. We are meant to sing our song and have others sing with us in harmony.
Other times you will be the one who chooses to stay and lie and bear the consequences physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Maybe you start by lying less and less over time until you are sick and tired of being sick and tired of living this way. It hurts to hide, we hate ourselves for it, and internalizing that anger and grief wreaks havoc.
There is another option when we and another are ready to orient to growth instead of remaining in fear or hiding or illness or stagnation. Our invitation to step into a new paradigm of existence is chosen and everyone and/or everything gets to transform together. The bounty that begins to unfold can be truly magical and when this happens we wonder why we didn’t step into this fertile land of existence sooner. To do this we have to acknowledge our fears and support each other in choosing courage anyway. There is no such thing as being brave without the presence of fear. It’s much easier to do this together and well worth the effort.
We won’t be heard if we whisper. Sometimes we have to get loud to bring ourselves into resonance with the listener. Sometimes we are the listener and sometimes the listener is outside of us. The trick is knowing how to be loud and loving at the same time. We can be both firm and kind. Our intention matters and is felt; we can tell when someone doesn’t mean what they say and we know when we are loved and the speaker is invested in us. It is time to decide who you want to invest in because we don’t have energy to live a watered-down life where we empty our buckets out for everyone and everything and don’t fill it back up.
The antidote to lying isn’t just about telling the truth. It is about unconditional love toward ourselves and others. It is about sending people and situations off in love, forgiveness if needed (sometimes to ourselves,) and gratitude for the lessons they brought us. It’s about actively loving those we invest in who also show up for us by refusing to passively watch them live a life that isn’t the full expression of their aliveness. It’s about loving ourselves enough to recognize when a career, activity, or relationship hasn’t grown with us to where we are now. Love is a necessary component to truth-telling so we can create room for all the full-bodied FUCK YES opportunities and exist in our most aligned and vibrant life.
Cat Jensen is a Practitioner and Facilitator of Presence that teaches other Therapists, Coaches, and Healers how to embody and express their light and love as an overflow offering, rather than joining others in their shadow. She is here to disrupt the way we live amongst and with others and invites clients to stand more fully in choice and join the path toward liberation.She also offers presence and intimacy workshops and sacred circles, women's circles, moon circles and sound baths to the general public as they are inspired to attend.Hear more of her story here:
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